Camera Shy

Are women more resistant to coaching?

A Christian comedian once remarked on the difference between men and women when taking pictures. He asserted that men tend to “strut their stuff” for the camera, whereas women tend to avoid it, opting rather to take the picture rather than be in it. This led me to think about coaching. Are guys more willing to put their lives under the microscope than we women? For months, I’ve been wrestling with this question both personally and professionally. I sense this hesitancy in my clients and I have experienced it in my own life as well. Through my coaching network, I have access to FREE monthly coaching, yet I resist setting up my monthly session. Why? I know firsthand the value of Christian coaching. It literally saved my husband’s ministry! I’ve seen the fruit in his life from weekly chats with his peer coach and monthly sessions with his Crosstrain coach. Matt is one of the most self-disciplined people I know, and he’s committed to the coaching process. I’ve experienced the benefits of his intentional work on becoming a better husband, father, grandfather, author, and professor.

Matt and I have monthly marriage coaching sessions with Ben and Carrie Blumer. We’ve been able to talk through issues in our marriage with trained coaches who help us understand one another, ask better questions, and approach our spouse with curiosity rather than condemnation. For example, this month we talked about our behavior in the car. When Matt drives and I am in the front seat, I tend to physically react to what I see as threats and may—on occasion—flinch. This causes Matt no small amount of consternation. I can’t help it. His reaction to my over-reaction can be strong, so much so, that if I see a legitimate threat or notice that he’s driving too fast, I am hesitant to point it out. The Blumers were able to help us talk it through. We have defensive reactions for legitimate reasons, but if we recognize our triggers, we can help and receive correction with less anger and more compassion. We’re a work in progress.

So why am I hesitant to take advantage of my individual coaching? I think I want to run from the camera lens. On one hand, it feels too indulgent. My coach is a busy wife and mom with a new job, I reason. I should really give her space as she settles into her new role. Does she really have a whole hour to listen to me? Or my earthly flesh wants to run, screaming, from accountability (something my younger but wiser sister has sussed out). Once I express my heart’s desires and chart a plan for achieving my goals, I will actually have to DO something. My coach will check in with me next month to see if I actually did what I set out to do. I recall the words of Marty McFly’s father in Back to the Future, “What if they tell me I’m no good? I just don’t think I could take that kind of rejection.” So, fear and my flesh hold me back, even though I know that “The Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 2:7).

That spirit of self-discipline doesn’t mean I’m white-knuckling or out to prove my salvation. Ephesians 2:8-9 reminds us that salvation is a gift. My biggest problem--sin, has been taken care of through Jesus. But then Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we were saved for a purpose--to do good works God has prepared in advance for us to do. I don’t have to fear the camera lens. I’ve got the Jesus filter on and an appointment on the calendar with my coach, so I can roll up my sleeves and get to it.

Will you join me?