Do you remember the band White Lion? I’m surprised if you do; they didn’t really distinguish themselves from other bands of the 80’s. My husband and I jokingly refer to all hair bands of that era as “Great White Lion Snake.” They were heavy on the hairspray, spandex, and mullets (can’t believe those are back!!!) and light on lyrical depth. While White Lion did have a few hits, none survived past the decade. But there was one called “Don’t Give Up” that still lives on my workout playlist.
October is Pastor Appreciation month, and “Don’t Give Up” is a good theme song for public ministers of the Gospel. Because of the curse of sin, God told Adam there would be thorns in his life, his daily work would be riddled with sweat, back-breaking labor, and futility. Ministers of the Gospel likewise have that same frustration that everyone experiences no matter their vocations. Additionally, they have an enemy who is gunning for them specifically. The enemy of our souls attacks them mentally, physically, and spiritually. He is relentless because he knows that if he can take out a shepherd, the sheep are easier targets.
Fifteen years ago, my husband, my favorite pastor, almost quit the full-time ministry. God provided the right people at the right time to minister to his heart, and by His grace, Matt is still serving. The following is a letter I wrote to the man whom God used to talk him off the ledge, originally published on Matt’s Gospel-Centered Mentoring blog.
Dear Rick,
Each week I read our denomination’s Call Report which lists all the changes in public gospel ministry; it’s a touchstone to our church body back “home”. Whenever I read names under the “Resigned” category, I feel a pit in my stomach. By the grace of God, my husband’s name has never been listed there. About 15 years ago, it very nearly was, but God used you powerfully to intervene.
As a pastor’s daughter and now a pastor’s wife, I have witnessed the pressure public gospel ministry can have on the pastor and his family. Disputes within the Church; intense and often very public scrutiny of the pastor’s vision, giftedness, and shortcomings; it wears him down. This can lead to restless nights, health problems, and feelings of isolation and uncertainty. It can also make him extra vulnerable to temptation in an attempt to medicate his pain or regain some feeling of control.
Who pastors the pastor when difficulties and temptations arise?
After years of particularly painful church planting, Matt’s leaving full-time public gospel ministry seemed like a mercy for our family. It was not a decision we made lightly. In preparation, I got a full-time job which offered a small salary and health insurance. We had three children and a mortgage. Choosing to leave the public gospel ministry is different than leaving a regular job in that the position is not easily transferable. Even though my husband has over seven years of postgraduate education, theological credentials don’t easily translate into corporate America.
The grief we experienced worshiping with the remnant of our church family was intense on what we thought was Matt’s final Sunday. He had one last pastoral duty--attending the district retreat in Houston where you, Rick, just happened to be presenting on “Why Pastors Burn Out and Leave the Ministry.”
As a former Vice Cop, you have a reputation for being blunt; you don’t pull punches and you don’t suffer fools. But you also have a Christ-loving counselor’s heart. Matt asked you for advice on how to quit, what you gave him was hope and a vision for the future. The outcome of that conversation was that Matt stayed in the public gospel ministry, serving our mission church for four more years before accepting the Call to be a professor at Asia Lutheran Seminary in Hong Kong. He’s served in Asia for ten years, and now we are embarking on a new adventure to Australia. God-willing, he will one day retire at a ripe-old age from the ministry. I can never thank you enough for pastoring my husband and starting CrossTrain Ministries. (www.crosstrainministries.com) Since that time, my husband has never been without a Professional Coach (more on him later) and at least one Peer Coach. Of all the roles Matt has, I am most grateful that he coordinates both coaching for missionaries on our team and mentoring of students for Asia Lutheran Seminary.
How many resignations could have been prevented by having the support and accountability of a coach? How many families and congregations could have been spared this upheaval and trauma? Coaches are invaluable, not as a guarantee against resignations, but a welcome voice of reason, tough love and encouragement. Gospel-centered mentors like you, Rick, have the capacity to change the trajectory of a person’s life. We praise God for you!
With sincere gratitude,
Christine Doebler
Galatians 6:9 (NIV) Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog! I’ve been encouraged by your comments and support. If you are so moved, you can join my Mission Support Team at https://www.friendsnet.org/christine.
Dearest Sister in Christ (my younger one :) ) I wept with joy reading your message. You were Matt's REAL PRAYER WARRIOR when he was battling all he went through. It gave me the thought and questioned.. "WHY don't WE the family in Christ speak up and encourage those pastors who are weak, tired, weary? Our Pastors, our Shepherds of our churches, NEED our love, respect, friendship, encouragement not just during October. May God's people who read your post, humbly begin to SHOW and demonstrate our love for God's Shepherd's our beloved Pastors. . They are the ones that heard His call and answered saying "Yes, here I am Lord, send me...send me!" AND they went forth to do the will of our mighty Lord God. Our Lord blessed many of our Pastors with Godly loving wives who willingly shared their walk in the valleys and up on the mountain top. I use you, dear Christine, as a most Godly example. Being I have known you since you were very young in grade school, does not make me prejudice. I know what I see and what I hear with you at Matt's side. May our gracious Lord watch over all the wives also, that they may not grow weary from doing good. They are God's chosen people to serve Him in special, most loving, caring ways. I give to our risen ascended Lord all praise and glory for all pastors and their faithful wives. Thank you dear Christine for being who you are a most dedicated, loving wife , a true Godly example to all who know you. Psalm 9:1 " I will praise You, O LORD, with all my heart, I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in You. I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." Love, Ann Tolly