Marriage on the Mission Field

Getting by with a lotta help from our friends

Mar 29, 2025

This coming July, Matt and I will be celebrating 30 years of marriage. To God alone be the glory! Eleven of those years have been spent on the world mission field. When Matt was considering the call to Asia Lutheran Seminary in Hong Kong, Steve Witte, then president of ALS, asked him, “How is your marriage?” In our experience, that question had never been asked by a calling body. It would seem too invasive, too personal. But it is a valid question which demands an honest answer. It’s not that the temptations for married couples on the world mission field are that much greater than those serving stateside, it’s just that, in general, our support systems are more limited. In a life where most of our companions and comforts of “home” are now a world away, missionaries need to rely on their nuclear family perhaps more intensely.

There are a million things I love about my husband. There are his quirkier habits like pretending to open automatic doors with his Jedi mind powers, the sound effects he makes when reading stories to our grandson, the way he jokingly stretches out his birthday celebration to the entire month of July. I love that he reads everything from The Lord of the Rings to Pride and Prejudice. He reads out loud to me. Currently, we are in the middle of Taliesin by Stephen R. Lawhead. On the more serious side, his willingness to be coached, his self-discipline when it comes to spiritual and physical habits, and his genuine care for our family, friends, colleagues, and students have grown over the years. He is a man of integrity, but one who would be quick to give credit to his coaches and friends for their wisdom and influence.

He’s traveled to countries where slips of paper have been slid under his hotel door, where he could have ordered a sexual encounter as one orders room service. I know he’s been directly propositioned in person at least twice. Yet, by God’s grace, he’s remained faithful to me and the God he serves.

What’s the secret?

With our coaches, we bring our secrets to light. I don’t want or need to know every time Matt has been tempted to sin sexually (and vice versa), but his coach can broach the issue, hear Matt’s heart, and address it with godly wisdom. Matt and his coach then decide what needs to be shared with me. Every week they ask the question, “Is there anything in your life right now that, if it were exposed today, would bring dishonor to Jesus Christ, your family, or your Gospel ministry?”

In addition to our personal coaches, we have marriage coaches through Crosstrain Ministries--Ben and Carrie Blumer. Through our sessions with the Blumers, we have formulated an action plan for our marriage in areas of Friendship, Romance, Impact, Conflict Resolution, and Spiritual Growth. We read books designed to aid us in these areas and, with the help of the Blumers, identify problems we’re having so we can deal with them in a healthy way before they escalate.

As empty nesters, we have unprecedented opportunities to study Scripture and pray together, as well as partner in gospel ministry--it is a sweet season! We’ve taught on Biblical sexuality, facilitated our English Corner, co-hosted a podcast, and been privileged to fellowship with Christians around the world. But it hasn’t come without challenges or stress on our marriage. This latest transition to Australia was extremely difficult. Our communication was deplorable, our tempers flared: it was NOT a sweet season. By God’s grace and with solid coaching, we made it through, but we recognize that like any area of life, our marriage is either growing us closer to God and one another, or we’re growing apart.

The enemy of our souls is not ambivalent to Christian marriage or our sexuality. What better way to undermine our Gospel proclamation? Those in public ministry are especially tantalizing targets. Whether single or married, we are fools if we do not put on the full armor of God, assisted by godly mentors, coaches, and friends who speak truth in love over us.

Do you have someone in your life who is asking the tough questions? Do you have a friend or a coach who knows how you struggle spiritually, emotionally, physically and sexually? Do you have a life coach or a mentor couple who can encourage you and challenge you to grow as a disciple in all areas of your life?

I’d like to give a special shout-out to two couples who mentored us early in our marriage: Marge and Harold Buelow and Barb and Karl Gurgel. Marge and Harold took us under their wing when we were first married, and Matt was interning in Columbia, Tennessee. Both Marge and Harold had been previously widowed, and they modeled how to navigate service together, conflict resolution, and family dynamics with humor and candor. Barb and Karl Gurgel were instrumental in encouraging us during an especially difficult season of ministry. Both are rock solid couples with unshakeable faith. Decades later, their examples continue to inspire us to go the distance, as do our parents.

While marriage is wonderful, the truth is that it’s temporary. As one marriage guru said, “Christ didn’t die for marriage; He died for His Bride, the Church.” (Eph 5:25-27) It’s a blessing, but even a solid marriage is short-lived. Those of you who know me, know that I am directionally-challenged. Matt has an excellent sense of direction, so I often quip that I literally would be lost without him, but the reality is that the only One I’d truly be lost without is Christ.

Friend, have YOU been found by the Lover who will never leave you?

Christine’s Substack

Discussion about this post