The Fabric of Our Lives

One of my most treasured possessions just arrived in our shipment.  It’s a woven piece of cloth, a gift from a life group at St. Marcus in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.  What I love about this cloth is what it represents: community, fellowship, corporate prayer, Biblical discussions, and most likely some amazing food. (I happen to know that one of the members is a fabulous cook, so I’m betting on it.)  Like the cloth, our lives are intertwined and create vibrant patterns as our stories intersect.  If you’ve never been a part of a community group, life group, or support group, you’ve been missing out.  Here’s my pitch for you to create or join a healthy community group.

Isolation is punishment.  We didn’t need the pandemic to remind us, but it definitely brought to light the indisputable fact that human beings are hard-wired for connection.  Solitary confinement is the harshest of prison sentences.  Yet somehow in our modern age, we think that isolation is the only coping skill available to us.  When your newsfeed reads like the End of the World is really coming,(spoiler alert: it most definitely IS!) it can be tempting to want to close yourself off in a room and hide away.  A missionary in Japan told me about a growing demographic called the hikikomori who are modern-day hermits, recluses who have not left home for months or even years.  What is striking to me is that these people are young--adolescents or young adults, students, people in the prime of life.  I don’t know if this phenomenon started with the pandemic, but how tragic is that? Young people who should be participating in sporting events, singing karaoke at birthday parties, witnessing the beauty of a sunset over a lake opt instead for a cloistered life, cut off from the physical world?  Their five senses must be starving! It’s heart-breaking, but yet, I get it.  The desire to protect oneself, to isolate and insulate from the pain of life is completely understandable.  But it’s also impossible.  While human interaction can be painful, it’s also the pathway to healing, wholeness, and life-giving joy.  What is a hug emoji compared to a real-life physical embrace?   

A healthy life group can be a lifeline.  We all want to be known, to be loved, affirmed and celebrated.  A healthy life group can do all that!  Over the years, Matt and I have been a part of several groups.  Almost 30 years ago, in his vicar year in Tennessee, we attempted to start what we decided to call Care Groups.  We divided the congregation in half, cramming congregants into our tiny townhouse.  Unfortunately, our group only survived for a short time.  Why?  We started too big, had only a vague idea of what we were trying to accomplish, ergo we had no plan to get there.  I’m happy to report that our attempts in the following years have proven more successful.  

Here are some hard-won tips:

1. Declare your purpose. Do you want to hone a new skill?  Play a game?  Center your group around an activity like walking or book discussions?

2. Be real. Leave your Facebook Avatar at home.  That doesn’t mean you dump all of your issues on the kitchen table at the first meeting, but slowly, be vulnerable and allow others to know your story.

3. Stretch yourself.  Our best groups have had a wide variety of ages, ethnicities, and backgrounds. Echo chambers are life-draining. Mix it up! 

4. Make it a priority.  If you’re an introvert, putting a date on your calendar to meet with people can be intimidating.  I’ve found it helpful to make these plans closest to my morning cup of coffee, when possibilities are endless and my energy levels are good.    

This Saturday we are hosting what we hope will be the start of a community group.  We’ve invited people from many different countries, along with some native Aussies.  Our plan is to play games, eat food, and engage in lively conversations.  We hope it will become a group that meets regularly!

Our Australia Team is also starting online Life Groups.  While meeting in person is preferred, it’s not always attainable when you have contacts all over a continent!  We’ll start with Australia, and then make a plan to reach the hikikomori. 

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog! I’ve been encouraged by your comments and support. If you are so moved, you can join my Mission Support Team at https://www.friendsnet.org/christine.