Never Say Goodbye

Working through grief and longing

“Don’t you wish you could stay forever?” asked my darling blue-eyed grandson in his delightful Yorkshire accent. It didn’t seem fair to his 5 year-old mind that his Mimi and Pops had to go home to Australia after days of playing games, going to the park, and racing after him. Somehow, he transformed brushing our teeth into a curious mash-up of a competition and a dance party. Then we got to welcome his baby sister, the precious Violet Rose, into the world! We loved every moment.

...and then we had to say goodbye once again. One more hug, one more story, one more snuggle, knowing that the next time we see him in person, he’ll be six, and his sister will be almost a year-old.

Honoring his parents’ wishes, I have intentionally blurred my grandson’s angelic face.

I know you’ve been there, too. Whether your goodbye was planned or unexpected, short-term or long-term—that hurt in your heart, the tears that fall, the ache in your bones for their presence, makes us long for a world where we never have to say goodbye (Cue Bon Jovi). Matt and I felt that again when we were at our annual Asia Oceania Team (AOT) retreat last month in Chiang Mai, Thailand. It was the first retreat without our beloved team leader, Steve Witte. We missed his loud Hawaiian shirts, his delight in the salad bar, (for some strange reason he loved iceberg lettuce!) his unique take on hard situations, and most of all, his enthusiasm for Gospel ministry. We missed his wife Mary, too, and the way she adopted so many kids on the mission field, offering a much-needed reprieve for weary moms who were struggling to keep little ones happy while their husbands tackled hours of meetings.

Chiang Mai Retreat 2016 (Steve and Mary Witte are in the upper right hand corner)

I recently listened to a podcast episode that offered what I would consider a Master Class on grief. The show is called “Little Things,” hosted by Amber Albee Swenson. Her guest was Dr. Stacy Jensen, a professor of Communication at Wisconsin Lutheran College. After experiencing several miscarriages and the death of both her in-laws, Stacy wrote a book, “Purposeful Grieving,” (published under her previous name, Stacy Hoehl). That book was released in July of 2019, and then her husband, the father of her three young children died that November from skin cancer. You can listen to the interview here. There were dozens of gems to be mined in this conversation, but the thing that stuck with me most was Stacy’s absolute trust in God’s providence. She said that she and her kids had received everything they were supposed to receive from her husband before he passed away. God’s timing is always perfect. When I’m grieving, there is such a temptation to question God’s sovereignty and think, “That person SHOULD be here.” But who am I to tell God He messed up?!?!

It reminds me of my dear friend and mentor Ann who wore red to her husband’s funeral. Ann was in Africa, visiting her daughter in the mission field when her husband died. She used the opportunity to share her story as she was flying back to the States and assure people that she knew for certain that she would see her dear Del in heaven. She knew her Goodbye was temporary.

I pray you can experience that same hope in your grief. For those of us who mourn loved ones asleep in Jesus, we are not saying a final Goodbye, but rather See you later. If this world is just random chaos that occurred by chance with no one and nothing in control, then our lives and all that it contains are purposeless and pointless. It is literally a “dog eat dog” world. We have no lasting reason for hope, joy, love, or peace because we are all just accidents, paying off a karmic debt to the universe. Death is a merciful end to our miserable existence. But if there is a God, who is the Author of Life, then we have certainty that our stories are carefully orchestrated, like a beautiful symphony conducted by a loving Father who records every tear. Grief mingles with joy, death becomes a mere crescendo and the resolution is Paradise, where we will never again experience grief, mourning or pain. God will wipe away every tear from our eye, (Revelation 21:4) and we will never say goodbye.

Cue “See You Again” by The Gray Havens

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog! I’ve been encouraged by your comments and support. If you are so moved, you can join my Mission Support Team at https://www.friendsnet.org/christine.